I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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