No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
