this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
