that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
