dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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