i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
