Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You are the jesus of drinking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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