They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
