she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just pee around me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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