So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
