I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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