FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
