hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
