there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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