Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
