Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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