I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
