as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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