nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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