Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
