i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
