The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
