i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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