Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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