I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
