I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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