I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
