Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
