Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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