there's paper in my vomit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
