Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
