watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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