if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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