Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
