Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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