Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
