3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize