are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
