Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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