tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
pray to the hookup gods
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
