explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
