I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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