I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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