i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
where are my eyebrows?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
