you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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