drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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