i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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