when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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