FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Found your dick twin last night
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
