remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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