i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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