I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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