tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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