I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
