I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
