I wanna passion pit in your ass
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize