she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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