im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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