ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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