8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
