too bad you live with your parents still
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
