it hurts more in the daytime
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
