we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
