just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
