If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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