I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
