you win again, gameday.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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