I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize