omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
